Leif by Abbi Glines (Existence Trilogy #2.5)

Genres: Young Adult, Paranormal, Romance, Novella
My Rating: 4 out of 5

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"She was mine. I owned her soul…until Death stole her heart."

Leif is a novella from the Existence series. It is glimpses into Leif's point-of-view during both Existence and Predestined.

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While reading this I couldn't recall how I felt about Leif in Predestined. I liked him enough in Existence, but just in a Puck or Matt (TVD) sort of way. I had to reread my reviews to remind myself. Apparently I hated Leif after Predestined. Now I kind of feel bad for hating him. And I also felt bad for how much Pagan clearly hated him. He so didn't deserve it. He definitely made a lot of mistakes and went about trying to woo her all wrong, and he lied to her too much. But can you imagine being any better after having the parents he has? No, he is lucky he turned out so good. And he really loves her. When Pagan was in Vilokan during Predestined and she told Leif that if he loved her he wouldn't hold her against her will, I agreed with her. But now I see he was telling her the truth. He was doing his best to protect her from his father, hoping she would choose him, but he never intended to force her to.

In most love-triangles I still like the other guy and wish he could be happy, but do not want him to move on because I still admire his feelings and don't want his love to be cheapened by being forgotten too quickly. Such as Puck. He still loved Meghan in the end and says he is leaving for decades in order to get over her. If he had found another girl in the end I would have been disappointed in him. There are a few instances when I found the other guy to be just an annoyance and a distraction and I could care less if he fell for someone else, in fact I would prefer it, such as Will Herondale. I know, I know, I am alone in that, but that is a discussion for another day. That is how I used to feel about Leif, but now he has switched to the other category. He tried so hard to win Pagan that it is unforgettable, and I don't want him to forget it either. I don't know if that is unfair of me, but as I said, I feel like his love would be cheapened otherwise, affecting how I view his character.

But I wish more had been covered from Existence. The last scene was when they made out on her couch (which was super hot from Leif POV btw), then it skipped to the end when she picked Dank. But when did Leif realize that Pagan was in love with Dank? Did he know she was in love with him all along? Did he realize that his kisses hadn't ever excited her? We don't know. I wouldn't mind having another book about Leif. One that isnt just Pagan's story from his POV, but a book that is actually his story and his HEA.

Existence by Abbi Glines (Existence Trilogy #1)

Genres: Young Adult, Paranormal, Romance
My Rating: 5 out of 5

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What happens when you're stalked by Death? You fall in love with him, of course.

Pagan Moore doesn't cheat Death, but instead, falls in love with him.

Seventeen year old Pagan Moore has seen souls her entire life. Once she realized the strangers she often saw walking through walls were not visible to anyone else, she started ignoring them. If she didn't let them know she could see them, then they left her alone. Until she stepped out of her car the first day of school and saw an incredibly sexy guy lounging on a picnic table, watching her with an amused smirk on his face. Problem is, she knows he's dead.

Not only does he not go away when she ignores him, but he does something none of the others have ever done. He speaks. Pagan is fascinated by the soul. What she doesn't realize is that her appointed time to die is drawing near and the wickedly beautiful soul she is falling in love with is not a soul at all.

He is Death and he's about to break all the rules.

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You know when a book is really hyped you start to worry that it cant really be as good as you heard? Well, that is how I felt going into Existence. But I was still totally unprepared for how much I loved it. I was completely blown away by the direction the story took and all the issues it explored.

I heard some complaints about Pagan as a heroine, that she was weak. But I don't see it like that. Character flaws don't mean flaws in the books. People have flaws, its realistic. Although some people just prefer books with a certain type of lead, which is understandable. And I do sort of see where they are coming from. When Pagan started having trouble sleeping and yelling Dank's name at night, it gave me a brief flashback of Bella. But their circumstances were quite different. For Pagan it wasn't an overreaction, so I can forgive her. Because what she and Dank felt for each other was something more than love, perhaps it was even supernatural. It couldn't be controlled and it couldn't be stopped.

This book more thoroughly explored the meaning of love than is usual for a YA. It also explored life and death and mental health. All the while taking us on an emotional roller coaster, in the best of ways. I don't usually like books that make me upset, but the payoff was worth it.

I heard another complaint about the heroine once again choosing the inappropriate guy over the sweetheart. In a lot of books I would agree that that is tiresome, but not in this one. Leif was sweet, but in a Puck or Matt (TVD) sort of way. He should be firmly placed in the Friend Zone. And Dank wasn't inappropriate, he was unbelievably amazing. He never did a single thing wrong that I can complain about.

In some books, when the guy can't be with the girl, he tries to hurt her to force her to move on (Tiger's Voyage, Clockwork Angel), but Dank never once denied to Pagan how much he wanted her, and you could clearly see his heartbreak, especially on the night of the homecoming. Even when he was forced to leave her he still made sure she was safe and was there when she needed him, even if it was just to sing her to sleep. He had a surprisingly small amount of ish to deal with, considering he was Death. You'd think he would have issues, but nope. He just needed her. I suppose because he didn't have a heart or soul, Pagan was his heart and soul. A line you have probably heard before in romance, but this time it is true.

Although I hate the names Pagan, Dank, and Leif, this story had incredible depth that brought Pagan to some dark places in her life, and amazingly strong characters that discovered that there is something greater than life, and something greater than love.

“I’m not a man so I do not have a heart that loves as a human does. I’m an immortal god that dwells with supreme power because I hold the keys to Death. But you are my existence. I am yours.” Hot tears streamed down my face as I stared into the face of someone who comprehended an emotion much stronger than my weak, feeble words of love.”